envy

last few weeks, i've been feeling ENVY to this person. Nope, i don't hate this person. I don't have any exact reason to hate this person. This person is really nice. Warm, smart, diligent, attractive, funny... 

-oh wait, those are the reasons why i envy this person- 

the last time i felt this kind of feeling was years ago, towards my bff, Ajeng. I simply envy her because she's (effortlessly) all that. Pretty smile, high-GPA-dental-student, a good singer, adorable fashion sense, a guy magnet. To make it worse, she's also the nicest, most lovable, undefeatedly angelic person i've ever met.

I felt guilty every time that jealousy thing rushed over my heart. i often solitude somewhere to keep myself away from saying bad stuffs to her, because i didn't wanna hurt her, and ruin our friendship.
That envious feeling lead me to endless comparison between me and her. And always ended up in me, felt inferior, insecure, unvalueable.

But, thank goodness, that envious also forced me, to be better. Somehow, envious is the best motivator, challenge us to strive, and explore our potentials. And i thank Ajeng for that. (geez, i miss you, sist).

This person, whom i'm currently envy, maybe is another God-sent reminder to push me, to try harder, to be better. :)